This may seem like an obvious realization, but it completely changed the way that I worked with clients. Rather than starting by focusing on the nitty gritty of non-monogamy education, I started taking my clients through a thorough assessment of the state of their relationships.
Do they each feel loved and secure?
Is there pain from the past that has never been resolved?
Do arguments on certain topics always spin out of control?
Once I could assess what's already going on in the relationship and take stock of the existing strengths and challenges, then we could begin healing, repairing, and constructing a solid foundation that would lead to non-monogamy success. Once the foundation was in place, then we could dive into creating agreements, going through jealousy workbooks, creating safer sex plans, and taking advantage of the wonderful wealth of specialized non-monogamy resources available today.